He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
