I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
