please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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