Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We are all done wearing pants today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
