VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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