Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
