I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
