My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
