U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
