My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
