please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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