member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
