She's JV to your varsity
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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