i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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