watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize