WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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