I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
