My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize