I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
