It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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