If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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