I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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