My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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