I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Who died my cat blue again?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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