You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
