Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
