i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
