Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
