the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
