when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
