I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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