Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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