You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
