Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
