Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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