I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
