maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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