Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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