Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
