Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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