Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
id be glad to
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
