: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
foreskin is a definite game changer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
