what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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