either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
