i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
