Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
