Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
