You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
