We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
