Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
