Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
