Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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