I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
