He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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