she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
