Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
