Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
