no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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