I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just found a bag of teeth...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
