R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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